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Oh great and gentle muse, inspire Beyoncé with the genius of poetry

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What is it with celebrities and verse? Weve had lines from Charlie Sheen and Pamela Anderson, but now they must bow before the singers perfect stanzas (except Bey of Light was written for her)

As it goes about its glamorous daily business, people often stop Lost in Showbiz and ask it important and pressing questions. Usually those questions are: Have you paid for that item, sir? and Would you come back into the store with me, please? But occasionally they deal with matters of great philosophical significance. Lost in Showbiz, they say, you must have developed a vast store of wisdom and knowledge during the many hours you have spent sitting on your awful bloated arse reading OK! and Closer. What one piece of advice would you give the worlds celebrities?

At this, Lost in Showbiz pauses, presses its fingertips together and takes a deep breath: perhaps a moments reflection will bring forth a new response. But no: the answer is always the same. My advice to the worlds celebrities is: write more poetry. Its not just that Lost in Showbiz loves celebrities writing poetry, its that Lost in Showbiz believes wholeheartedly that the greatest poetry ever written is by celebrities. Where others talk up Auden or Eliot, it raises aloft Musings From the Bed of Pamela, the poem written by Pamela Anderson to accompany her 13th nude spread in Playboy: The adults Living and dead that fought for our rights the artists sweet artists Hold on Crazy, the world goes on.

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