‘Infertility stung me’: Black motherhood and me

I assumed I would be part of the first generation to have full agency over my reproduction – but I was wrong

I detest clinics. Sometimes, it’s the forms I have to fill out, other times it’s the harsh lighting – but the thing I hate most is the television, which is often harnessed in a corner near the ceiling. It is meant to be a distraction, but it never manages to take my mind off why I’m in the clinic in the first place.

Early one morning in May 2021, I was sitting in a health facility in central Berlin. It was different from the aseptic ones I had visited when I lived in New York City: this was higher-end, with mild luminescent lighting and a floral smell wafting throughout. In the far corner of the waiting room, a TV was showing a family of penguins in Antarctica waddling along an icy shore. I was unconvinced by its message of optimism, of nature triumphing against the odds.