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The transfer window – in poetry


There was a young player called Bale
Who was part of a long transfer tale
Our readers got bored
And sent poems by the hoard
So here is the best of their mail

Transfer window limericks from our esteemed readers

There once were three players, all flighty
One Welsh, one Scouse and one bitey
I've read the stories all summer
It'll be quite a bummer
If all three of them are staying in Blighty

There was a young striker called Rooney
Whose prospects at United were gloomy
When Chelsea came calling
The match was appalling
And he said, 'Mou, I'm staying, so sue me'

There once was a boy named Bale
Who wanted to force a sale
He was lame and greedy
And came up against Levy
And it all ended in epic fail

There was a young man called Willian
Who is one greedy Brazilian
He took Spurs for a ride
Now he's on Jose's side
Even though he's not worth 30 million

There was once a manager called José
Into others' transfer business he was nosey
Spurs thought they got Willian
Weekly wage over a hundred grand
But it was Chelsea that he did chosey

Man United will not take a no
But Everton won't let them go
One side says stop being funny
You'll have to come back with more money
All this for the mod and the 'fro

Spurs were interested in Willian
He is very skillful Brazilian
At the last minute they were outbid
Making Daniel Levy extremely livid
Gazumped by a couple of million

There was a young man called Bale
Who definitely isn't for sale
Unless Spurs can sign Mata
And then it won't matter
That Gareth's off to Madrid where he'll fail

Really should do some work soon
Instead I'm hearing the same old gossip tune
Will Wayne be wearing blue?
If he's staying put, it's true
They may look closer to Cameroon

There once was a Scotsman named Moyes
Who was unable to purchase new toys
The interviews he takes
And the bids that he makes
Make United look like a bunch of schoolboys

I've listened: and all the sounds I heard
Were music, —wind, and stream, and bird.
With youth who sang from hill to hill...
...something about Gareth Bale.

The was a young man named Bale
Who thought he was for sale
But no one would buy him...
(Work in progress)

The transfer of young Gareth Bale
Is much like the search for the grail
it remains out of reach
but the journalists bleach
at the thought that there might be no sale

There once was an old man called Arsène
Who thought he knew how to bargain
But his tactics were poor
Now he won't be top four
He should never have released Arshaven
*only works if you pronounce Arshavin a little bit wrong.

There once was a man called Jim White
Who took an unhealthy delight
In rumours and speculation
and Sky sources information
But the transfer window really is shite

There was once a young man called Rooney
Who used to look just like George Clooney
He got sponsored by Mars
And hung around bars
And ended up rather balloony

This Window is doing my brain in
Was Bale advised to skip training
Will Moyes get Fellaini
Will Wenger sign any
And where will Chelsea fit Wayne in

There was a player called Bale
Who always got Spurs out of Gaol
They'll get a few quid
From the boys at Madrid
And there endeth a tedious tale

There is this young fella called Dan
He's Tottingham's bargaining man
He'll sell Bale to Madrid
for a ludicrous bid
When Perez gets a loan off his nan

There once was a poster named Pablo
Who's work rate went from high to low
It was due to live blogs
His career gone to the dogs
And now his sole income is a giro

There was a scamp called Luis
Who makes RedandProud go all gooey
He liked to snack
On Chelsea's right back
But he found him a little too chewy

Joe Kinnear wanted to purchase Chris Brunt
"We'll pair him with Tim Krul up front"
When told "please don't mess"
He turned to the press
...you can see where this is going...
And said: "Which one's Pardew? You're a ****"

The wandering team from Woolwich
On transfers were sounding quite bullish
But it's all come to nought
As no one's been bought
Arsène's starting to look a bit foolish

A Team we'll call A made a bid
Of multi-million numbers of quid
Team B in a rage
When Team A built a stage
And now of the story get rid

And some haiku from our very esteemed readers

Summer Bale drifting
Empty stand at Bernabeu
Levy's account waiting

Rooney shows his class
by playing and keeping schtum
Unlike Gareth Bale

A car window lowers
Beauteous man chatters
A transfer to a new life

Post your poems and reviews in the comments section below

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